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È per non perdere la fiducia nel futuro che cerchiamo di restare concentrati sulla quotidianità. Mi viene in mente quella mattina in cui hanno tolto l'erogazione dell'acqua in casa. Stavano facendo dei lavori. Come tutti i giorni Isabella aveva avviato la lavatrice. Erano le 9.40, sembrava tutto a posto, ma abbiamo osservato che Isabella la guardava e aspettava. Ci siamo resi conto che la lavatrice non faceva il solito rumore e, a quel punto, ci è venuto in mente che non c'era l'acqua. Isa si è molto contrariata, si è arrabbiata, non riusciva a capire. Le ho detto: "Isa, adesso non può avviarsi la lavatrice.” Ma lei niente, urlava e piangeva. Comunque io quel giorno ho avuto chiaro, come molte altre volte, che tenere routine troppo rigide non ci aiutava e che quello che avremmo dovuto fare era alternare e variare. Far accettare a Isa gli imprevisti e i cambiamenti è molto difficile, ma in questi anni abbiamo imparato che è assolutamente necessario, anzi, era necessario trovare un equilibrio tra il bisogno di prevedibilità e la necessità di scontrarsi con gli imprevisti e i cambiamenti. Stamattina toccava a me aiutare Isabella a vestirsi. Normalmente dopo colazione Isa va in bagno e prende il suo cambio nell'armadio. In bagno c'è tutta una sequenza prestabilita che Isa fa in parte da sola e in parte aiutata da noi, poiché ha bisogno, per esempio, di aiuto fisico per infilare la maglia anche da dietro oppure per infilare bene i calzini. Io e Alberto ci alterniamo e l'aiutiamo per tutto quello che è necessario, lasciando che lei faccia da sola tutto quello che è possibile. Isa ama indossare leggins neri e, se gliene proponi di diverso colore o stoffa, non li accetta facilmente. In questo caso il cambiamento sembrerebbe piccolo, ovvero indossare un pantalone che non sia nero. Ma per Isabella, a volte, un tessuto o un colore possono essere particolarmente fastidiosi a livello sensoriale. É vero, i pantaloni neri sono belli: io stessa ne posseggo più di uno e quando devo indossarne uno di colore diverso faccio fatica. Per quanto riguarda Isa, però, è sempre così difficile capire qual è il confine tra quello che è un suo gusto personale e quella che è una rigidità che, se assecondata per una volta di troppo, può diventare facilmente un problema. Stamattina ho pensato di proporle un pantalone diverso, sempre della stessa stoffa, ma di colore grigio a quadri, molto british. Anzi no, prima mi era venuta un'ideona, in un impeto di entusiasmo. Ho pensato prendo i collant, una gonna e le metto gli stivaletti nuovi. Allora ho detto: “Dai Isa, prendiamo la gonna e andiamo a cambiarci!”. Isa è venuta in bagno, ma diceva: “No, no, no.” Apriva il cassetto come a dire: “Prendiamo un paio di pantaloni neri.” Poi le ho ripetuto: “Dai, proviamo a mettere la gonna!” Ma Isa continuava a dire di no. Allora le ho fatto un’altra proposta: “Dai Isa, facciamo un compromesso: non ti metto la gonna, ma metti dei pantaloni di colore diverso.” Quindi sono andata a prendere i pantaloni a quadri nell'armadio e li ho portati in bagno. Lei continuava a dire di no, aprendo il cassetto. Allora le ho detto: “Dai Isa, i pantaloni neri li mettiamo dopo quando torni, adesso mettiamo questi a quadri!” E ha funzionato! È da tempo che provo a fare così quotidianamente in tutte le cose che accadono a Isabella, dalla routine quotidiana agli imprevisti. Cerco sempre di inserire un elemento di novità. Se l'elemento di novità è troppo forte per lei, cioè lei non ce la fa ad accettarlo, io comunque provo a fare un piccolo compromesso con lei e spesso funziona. Troviamo qualcosa di intermedio, come in questo caso i pantaloni grigi a quadri, tenuti per un tempo fissato che, in questo caso, era il tempo del giro in macchina. Le ho chiesto di accettare qualcosa di diverso per un tempo limitato assolutamente congruente al contesto. E ha funzionato. Isa ha indossato pantaloni grigi e a quadri, stivaletti neri e maglietta nera. Ho 2021-03-23T11:41:43+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2021/03/12/capelli/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/gabriel-silverio-9v9xotj3kto-unsplash.jpggabriel-silverio-9v9XOTj3Kto-unsplashÈ un pomeriggio di fine ottobre, una di quelle giornate solari, le ottobrate romane, in cui spettacolari lingue di color pastello si allungano su tutti gli angoli della città pervasa dalla sfumatura dolce del suo cielo. Alle 16 ho un appuntamento davanti al supermercato Elite con una signora e un cagnolino. La sua foto me l’ha postata la mia amica Cristiana su WhatsApp: “Ti interessa?”. Come taglia andrebbe bene. In ogni modo, ho messo le mani avanti, scrivendo alla padrona: “Se ci piacciamo entrambi, lo prendo!”. Anch’io devo piacere a lui. “D’accordo”, mi ha risposto. Sono emozionata come se dovessi sostenere un esame. Arrivo all’ora prestabilita, ma non c’è nessuno: né la signora né il cagnolino. Avrebbe potuto essere più precisa, mi dico. Giro la testa di qua e di là. Poi, nervosamente, guadagno una posizione davanti all’entrata del supermercato e la vedo arrivare dalla cancellata destra, bassina e trafelata. Tiene, nella sinistra, un lungo guinzaglio: il cagnolino della foto tira avanti svelto. È lei e le vado incontro. Mi chino e accarezzo la testolina di “Picculinu”, questo il nome del canetto. “Non lo faccia!”, mi intima la signora. “Non la conosce e quel gesto lo spaventa.” A me non sembra affatto la reazione di un cane spaventato, al contrario, si lasciava fare. “Se vuole lo accarezzi sul collo, cosa che lui gradisce”. Eseguo e noto che le due carezze sono bene accette in egual misura. Mi sciorina subito la sua storia. Non è l’unico: sono quattro cani rimasti senza padrone, che era suo fratello, morto da poco di infarto, dice. Vivevano, i cani, con lui nella seconda casa in campagna. Mi viene subito da pensare “gente che sta bene”. Avevo subito notato in lei un abbigliamento raffinato. “È iniziato per caso. Questo cagnolino, di ben sette anni, si presentò un giorno sulla soglia della casa di campagna scegliendola come sua stabile dimora. Dopo poco si trascinò dentro, una cagnolina in dolce attesa che ben presto partorì due maschietti. Al momento sono tutti e tre sistemati: resta solo Picculinu da accasare”. Mentre la signora racconta, resto affascinata dai vestiti di stoffa pregiata che indossa e, soprattutto dai suoi capelli bianchi, come desidererei portarli io, con un taglio ben armonizzato al viso. Intanto decide di sopprimere la prova del “piacersi l’un l’altro” e di non darmelo. Io non avevo messo in conto che dovevo “piacere alla signora”. Tiro un sospiro di sollievo: in fondo, sono uscita da un periodo no e ho bisogno di riprendere le forze. Prima di salutarci allungo un’ultima carezza sul collo di Picculinu e, facendomi sfacciata, le chiedo se può darmi il telefono della sua parrucchiera. Acconsente, lusingata. “Mi ha seguito passo dopo passo finché non me li ha tagliati cortissimi.” Ora, ecco il frutto: una bella testa bianca. Mi piacerebbe lo stesso taglio: so che i miei capelli reggerebbero il confronto. Così ci lasciamo con la sua promessa di inviarmi l’indirizzo della parrucchiera desiderata. Appena ricevuto il numero, chiamo il negozio. Sono lì nel giro di pochi giorni. Avevo intenzione di spiegarle prima come volevo fosse il passaggio. Lei, Gianna, dopo il lavaggio, prende le forbici e taglia. Vedo cadere i miei capelli e formare un bel mucchietto sul pavimento. Forse ho trovato la persona giusta che “sa tagliarmi i capelli”. Mi guardo allo specchio e mi piaccio. Sì, finalmente ho trovato una parrucchiera in grado di soddisfarmi. Ci ritorno una settimana dopo, il giorno del mio compleanno per una piega. La mattina, sul tardi, ricevo gli auguri da Lucia che mi dà appuntamento alla messa in parrocchia e “poi andiamo a mangiare qualcosa”. A messa c’ero già stata ma non mi dispiaceva di tornarci. Mi allettava il “poi”, lo stare insieme. “Farò tutto il possibile per esserci”. Aspetto invano Lucia: ricomincia la depressione e ricomincio a farmi male. Così decido di prenotare una piega da Renato, il mio vecchio parrucchiere. Mi presento con la mia “testa bella” e subito mi scuso per il tradimento. Dopo il lavaggio, Renato con le forbici mi “riaggiusta” la piega: ed ecco, ancora la solita “testa piatta” che detesto. Non mi piaccio più ma lotto. Passato un mesetto, fisso un appuntamento da Gianna. Seduta, pronta a ricevere il suo capolavoro, non riesco a dirle di Renato. Lei però ovviamente si accorge che sono stata da un altro. Finito il lavoro, mi accorgo che ha ripreso quel taglio che odiavo alla perfezione. Ma decido di non disperarmi. 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Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/cristian-newman-cezypkdceqc-unsplash.jpgcristian-newman-CeZypKDceQc-unsplash2020-11-05T11:20:22+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/04/05/fuorilegge/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/montylov-royaidnvbbu-unsplash-e1586107606634.jpgmontylov-rOyaiDNvBBU-unsplashPhoto by MontyLov on Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/jon-tyson-3fvf4d-2sc8-unsplash.jpgjon-tyson-3fVF4d-2sC8-unsplashPhoto by Jon Tyson on Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/jean-philippe-delberghe-zmohzv59tsc-unsplash.jpgjean-philippe-delberghe-zMoHzV59tSc-unsplashPhoto by Jean-Philippe Delberghe on Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/alex-holyoake-qx9ie7ieb1e-unsplash.jpgalex-holyoake-qX9Ie7ieb1E-unsplashPhoto by Alex Holyoake on Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/a-o-gfqedpikkuw-unsplash.jpga-o-GfQEdpIkkuw-unsplash2020-11-05T11:19:03+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/04/23/agorafobia/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/jr-korpa-lbptkh1sel4-unsplash1-e1589218232392.jpgjr-korpa-lBPtkH1Sel4-unsplash(1)Photo by JR Korpa on Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/jr-korpa-lbptkh1sel4-unsplash.jpgjr-korpa-lBPtkH1Sel4-unsplashMalgrado la quarantena, Gloria si sentiva bene, non come gli altri che si lamentavano di continuo. Adesso erano tutti limitati per legge. Non c'erano più i produttivi, quelli che di buon mattino uscivano di casa alla conquista del mondo, che ci mettevano anche un'ora per arrivare al lavoro, in macchina senza poi trovare parcheggio o sui mezzi pubblici, stipati come sardine, sudati e umiliati, ma in qualche modo eroici. Quelli che poi si vedevano con gli amici per l'aperitivo oppure che la sera uscivano per andare a cena al ristorante o al cinema. Mentre lei si era auto-confinata da anni. Ormai tutti erano costretti a casa. Anche suo marito. Certo, Andrea i primi giorni non l'aveva presa bene questa clausura forzata, ma poi aveva iniziato ad abituarsi, o almeno, si era rassegnato, che per lei era già tanto. La vita di Gloria da anni si svolgeva interamente a casa, tra la cucina e il salotto, la stanza da letto e il balcone dove passava momenti lieti tra la cura delle piante e lo sguardo all'orizzonte. Le uniche eccezioni erano le visite dal medico e dagli specialisti, per cui riusciva a trovare la forza di scendere al portone e salire su un taxi. E poi le due volte all'anno che andava all'aeroporto con Andrea per prendere l'aereo che li portava dal figlio a Bruxelles. Il trasferimento di Claudio a Bruxelles cinque anni prima era stata una lacerazione. Quando le aveva detto che lo avevano chiamato a lavorare nella sede di Bruxelles del suo centro di ricerca per lo sviluppo sostenibile, lei aveva esultato di gioia, ma dopo un paio di mesi di lontananza era piombata in una tristezza desolante. Aveva cominciato ad avere meno appetito e a dormire poco. Poi una sera, mentre rientrava a casa dalla libreria dove lavorava, era stata travolta da dietro da un giovane che correva a grandi falcate. Non si era neanche fermato, era andato via come se lei non esistesse. Era rimasta a faccia in giù sul marciapiede di piazza Testaccio. Nessuna frattura o distorsione, solo qualche escoriazione sulle mani e sulle ginocchia. Una sensazione di frastornamento durata per giorni. Frequenti emicranie e debolezza. Il medico le aveva spiegato che era normale dopo quello che aveva vissuto. Erano gli effetti dello shock. Le aveva prescritto qualche goccia di Lexotan per dormire. Poi erano cominciati gli attacchi di panico. Aveva preso qualche giorno di malattia ed era rimasta a casa. Un pomeriggio era uscita perché voleva comprare il gelato. Doveva fare pochi passi fino a piazza San Cosimato. Non era riuscita ad attraversare la strada. Era rimasta ferma al semaforo di viale Trastevere alcuni minuti, poi era risalita a casa. Senza gelato. Ma con una nuova angoscia. Il medico l'aveva mandata da uno psicoterapeuta e da un neurologo. Ma Gloria non era più riuscita ad attraversare viale Trastevere. E così la sua vita si era ristretta dentro le mura di casa, al massimo nel perimetro del balcone. Suo marito non l'aveva capita, ovviamente. Nessuno l'aveva fatto. Nemmeno i medici. Provavano a cambiarle farmaci e posologie, tanto di Xanax, tanto di Roipnol, poi i neurolettici di nuova generazione. Ma niente da fare. Viale Trastevere l'atterriva. Gli alberi le sembravano dei mostri pronti ad animarsi, ad afferrarla e a scaraventarla in alto. Appena metteva il naso fuori dal portone del palazzo veniva assalita dal frastuono dei motori delle macchine e dei motorini, dei clacson, delle sirene, sentiva l'aria spostarsi e poi si rendeva conto che una bicicletta o un monopattino le erano sfrecciati accanto. Anche le persone sembrava le volessero piombare addosso. Erano tutti sovreccitati, nervosi, ferini. Adesso che tutti erano in quarantena invece era diverso. Gli unici rumori erano i cinguettii degli uccelli. Il tubare della tortora la mattina, la metteva di buon umore. La faceva sentire in vacanza, le ricordava la casa di campagna dei nonni vicino San Gimignano. I gabbiani che sfrecciavano dal tetto del palazzo sorvolando viale Trastevere per approdare sul tetto del palazzo di fronte, le ricordavano il mare. Le era venuto in mente un soggiorno a Rovigno, in Istria, quando dalla finestra della camera da letto, sdraiata, vedeva un pezzo di cielo pulsante di gabbiani festosi. Le era parso di sentire l'odore del mare. Certo, non era possibile. L'aria era pulita come solo al mare, il cielo di un azzurro mai visto prima. Aveva sentito un vociare flebile ma persistente provenire dall'alto. Poi guardandosi intorno, si era accorta che sul terrazzo condominiale del palazzo di fronte c'era qualcuno, dal suo balcone al quinto piano, un paio di piani al di sotto, vedeva le teste. Erano tre donne, oppure una donna e due ragazze. Giocavano, si divertivano. Si sentivano delle risate. L'avevano incuriosita, così aveva deciso di salire sul terrazzo condominiale del suo palazzo. La luce del sole l'aveva accecata. Poi si era abituata. Si era sentita confortata dal calore del sole sul viso, dall'aria fresca che le entrava nei polmoni, dall'azzurro del cielo e dalle cime verdi e rigogliose dei platani, che ondeggiavano appena, seguendo il ritmo del vento. Bello quassù. Dietro c'era il Tevere, lo si intuiva dallo spazio che si apriva tra i palazzi e tra gli alberi, un sentiero sospeso. Sul terrazzo di fronte le ragazze, presumibilmente una madre con due figlie adolescenti, stavano giocando a freccette: avevano appeso il bersaglio al muro e si alternavano alla mira. Gloria si era messa a guardarle. Allora loro le avevano sorriso e l'avevano salutata. Lei aveva ricambiato. Si era sentita parte del gruppo anche se era sul terrazzo di un altro edificio. Il giorno successivo era tornata sul terrazzo. Suo marito si era meravigliato, ma non l'aveva seguita, era impegnato in una conference call con i colleghi. Sul terrazzo c'era già qualcuno, aveva trovato la porta aperta. Una donna dai capelli d'argento e dagli occhi grandi faceva Tai-Chi. Lei si era fermata a guardarla. La donna le aveva fatto cenno di avvicinarsi. “Pratica insieme a me”, le aveva detto. Gloria si era messa dietro di lei e aveva preso a seguire i suoi movimenti. Due merli le guardavano incuriositi. Si sentiva al sicuro. Come non le succedeva da anni. Gli occhi le si erano inumiditi, le guance si erano bagnate appena, era felice. A casa aveva raccontato ad Andrea del terrazzo, lui l'aveva guardata stupito, era contento che Gloria avesse preso un'iniziativa e gliel'aveva anche detto. Ma a lui non interessava salire sul terrazzo condominiale con lei. Aveva tante cose da fare lui: c'era il lavoro, i “report aziendali”, le “call”, e poi doveva aggiornare il sistema operativo per poter usare il nuovo software di videoconferenze. Gloria si era vestita ed era scesa al portone. Lo aveva varcato, guardando i platani di viale Trastevere e si era diretta al vivaio vicino casa, che era aperto, in deroga alla serrata governativa. Ne era uscita con due sacchi di terriccio, uno di 2020-11-05T11:17:53+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/04/30/sabato-29-febbraio/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/amelie-niklas-ohlrogge-xee4i8hjxgi-unsplash.jpgamelie-niklas-ohlrogge-Xee4i8HJxgI-unsplashPhoto by Amelie & Niklas Ohlrogge on Unsplash2020-11-05T11:16:34+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/08/31/la-perfettista/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/marisa-howenstine-kuraj8cpjis-unsplash.jpgmarisa-howenstine-kURaJ8CpJIs-unsplashPhoto by Marisa Howenstine2020-11-05T11:11:07+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2019/04/23/sto-qui/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/caroline-hernandez-219482-unsplash.jpgcaroline-hernandez-219482-unsplash2020-11-05T11:07:21+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2019/01/28/lettera-a-mia-madre/2020-11-05T11:05:24+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/08/21/tetrapak/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/sharon-mccutcheon-2l50or-njdw-unsplash.jpgsharon-mccutcheon-2L50Or-nJDw-unsplashPhoto by Sharon McCutcheon 2020-11-05T11:03:09+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/01/29/solo-madre/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/hugues-de-buyer-mimeure-bhjc_5iv8_c-unsplash.jpghugues-de-buyer-mimeure-Bhjc_5Iv8_c-unsplashPhoto by Hugues de BUYER-MIMEURE on Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/wilhelm-gunkel-9kramowljoq-unsplash.jpgwilhelm-gunkel-9KRAMoWlJOQ-unsplashPhoto by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash2020-11-05T11:01:38+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2019/05/12/irma-e-gemma/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/liliane-limpens-66333-unsplash1.jpgliliane-limpens-66333-unsplash(1)Photo by Liliane Limpens on Unsplashhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/photo-nic-co-uk-nic-166679-unsplash.jpgphoto-nic-co-uk-nic-166679-unsplashPhoto by photo-nic.co.uk nic on Unsplash2020-11-05T10:59:14+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2019/05/12/il-tempo-che-vola/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/artem-maltsev-1319007-unsplash1.jpgartem-maltsev-1319007-unsplash(1)2020-11-05T10:57:54+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/06/16/orange/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/taylor-deas-melesh-8eqtxmqr0vg-unsplash.jpgtaylor-deas-melesh-8EQTXMqr0vg-unsplashby Taylor-Deas-Melesh2020-11-05T10:55:54+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/11/05/madre-e-figlia/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/europeana-hkoeg2ekjg-unsplash.jpgeuropeana--hKoEG2eKjg-unsplashPortrait of a mother and child; Julia Margaret Cameron and Julia Hay Cameron, the child. National Media Museum, United Kingdom. Public Domain.2020-11-05T10:54:33+00:00monthlyhttps://ilclandellefemmine.com/2020/10/26/il-senso-della-vita/https://ilclandellefemmine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/nathan-dumlao-oajni1ohwti-unsplash.jpgnathan-dumlao-oaJni1OhWTI-unsplash<span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@nate_dumlao?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Nathan Dumlao</a> on <a 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